Dear 16 Year Old Me….

     So for Day Four of this "'Thirty Things My Kid(s) Should Know About Me" is to write 10 things I would have told my 16 year old self…. This should be pretty interesting because 16 year old me…was pretty silly….(PS If you're lost as to what this 30 Things "thing" is check out the original post HERE!   I hope you are all enjoying this hysterical attempt to teach my kid(s) about the "real" me…the Me that existed prior to them blessing my everyday…so here goes nothing!
   

      Dear 16 Year Old Kayla,
           If I had to guess this is the Valentine's Day you spent sitting on your couch, watching some Chick Flick and eating Chinese take out… Congratulations on loving yourself enough to do it with pride… next Valentine's Day isn't going to be the best…in fact…it'll be the first time that you'll truly have your heart broken and it'll happen the morning of, when you're expecting some sweet call from the boy I wish I could save you from…but since I can't (and lets face it…now that I'm grown up and I know how much I've learned from this situation I know I couldn't let you skip the life lesson, sorry…kinda…) I will tell you that 1) your first love…isn't going to be your lifetime love.  That's not your fairy tale, and there's going to come a time when that boy tells you that you AREN'T a Princess and that you DON'T deserve a fairytale ending.  Before you feel like someone has stabbed you in the heart, when that day comes remember; that you are far more precious than rubies, and the keeper of the stars will bless you with a story that is far better than anything any fairytale could create.
     I guess this situation kind of brings me to number 2) Don't have a boyfriend in High School.  Yes, I know, from homecoming to Tri-Hi-Y to  Prom there's some validation in securing a date…but don't get too serious with anyone.   (Oh and PS… that stupid senior boy you recently broke up with…grows up to be an even bigger dork than he was in high school…congrats).  Spend these three years of high school going to football games, and pep-rallies.  Enjoy student council. and your girlfriends. Go watch the guys at Wall play (spoiler alert…you're going to marry one of them…and it's not the one you think!) Savor the nights spent in Shay's cotton fields…and for Christ's sake Kayla…stop thinking James Varnadore hates you… he's going to become one of you most cherished friends in about 4 years..and sadly enough, he gets called home far far far too early.   Enjoy the company of Cassie, Maddie, Sarah, Christie, and Jamie..but remember…that someday you will all grow up and grow apart be glad that you learned from your friendship with them and hold dear the sweet memories. As for boys, you're exactly in the place you should be, being called everyone's little sister.
     Speaking of little sisters, here's number 3) Hold onto every second with Karlee and Kourtney.  Someday, Kourtney isn't going to need you to take her to school every morning, and she's definitely not going to want you to jam out to Taylor Swift with her.   You're going to bawl your eyes out the first time she goes to Proms (you're also going to be about 8 months pregnant! eek!)  Karlee is going to end up being your very VERY best friend.  I know…crazy huh?!  You're not going to want to strangle her forever  all the time.  When you move off to go to college, you're going to miss them a lot…so have as much fun with them while you can…you'll never get to live with them again.
     4) Speaking of College…you're gonna go to Texas Tech… you're going to love it, but your first year is going to be one of the roughest years of your life.  You're going to lose a couple of people that are very very near and dear to your heart…and you're going to meet a roommate that you might think you'll never get along with…but she'll end up being one of your sweetest friends.  Don't spend every weekend in San Angelo.  Dump your boyfriend before you go off to college (he's going to be a total buzz kill, and it's way too much drama).   I wish I could tell you to not come back from Tech after your first year…but everything happens for a reason.  I just wish you had enjoyed it to the fullest, and actually gave it more of a chance.
     5) That boy I told you about in the first paragraph is going to absolutely rip your heart out your first year of college… DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES OVER AND OVER… if there is ANYTHING I wish you had know 16 year old self, its that there are things in this life that you should not attempt twice…one being dating the same person more than once…and another being sushi (you're NEVER going to like it, not from the Tech SUB, not from Nakamura, not from Shogun…you're never going to like it so give it up.
     6) You're going to go to Nursing school…stop wasting your time fiddling around with Physical Therapy School and majoring in Education…you're wasting your time and your money (but it actually works out because you get to get your BSN from ASU, and thats a brand new program!)  Just study and work hard…you're gonna be successful and you're going to be a nurse!  Yay you!  Oh and as for school…revel in all of Mr. Price's biology fun…he's definitely one of the most amazing teachers you'll ever have…and next year when you have Mrs. Sheldon for Chemistry…you're going to feel like a complete nerd because you're going to absolutely LOVE it!
     7)  Don't get out of the habit of working out…and don't quit golf for theater.  Yeah, you're gonna enjoy theater…but Golf is actually something you're going to do for the rest of your life…your future husband really enjoys it…and he's eventually going to convince you to play when you're huge pregnant.  Don't worry…he'll carry your clubs for you! Don't give up a lot of the things you feel like you need to give up…in fact keep doing EVERYTHING you can…until you can't anymore…because you really really spread yourself thin…and you're not going to stop until you're well into your 20's…its a bad habit but you'll actually learn to love it.
     8) speaking of love… please don't forget to love yourself.  Remember to see past the media, people at school, people that try to bring you down, and the desire to impress boys, friends and the outside world.  Your heart is held by the big man up stairs and you're gonna be just fine…don't lose sight of who you are…and definitely don't give up who you are in order to "make" someone love you…they're not going to love you anyways…
     9) Go ahead and start watching Baseball even though you don't have anyone to watch it with yet.  You're to end up LOVING it, your even one of those girls that knows the entire Rangers Roster, stats AND keeps up with big name players from other teams.  Theres gonna come a day when Opening Day is a celebration in your cute little home and your first child will even have to dress up for the occasion while you have a picnic of hot dogs and chips in your living room floor (you're actually gonna be a pretty cute little momma!)
    10) Don't let anything in life bring you down too far.  Enjoy everything you face with the knowledge that if things didn't work out EXACTLY the way they're mean to, you wouldn't be where you are today…or in 10 years.  you're beautiful and you're so so special!  High school isn't going to be the best years of your life, and neither is college but everyday of your life is going to be special in its own way.  Hold tight to every second..you're only going to get so many.

     16 year old me and 24 year old me are so much a like and so different but 16 year old me was so so so clueless about life… Kid(s) I hope you realize that at 16 you won't have all the answers, and you won't at 24 either…but trust me when I try to be there for you in High School… life goes on



Until Next Time…

   Peace Love and Lettermans

Day 3- Relationship with my Spouse

     Well, I missed a day because I was a little preoccupied with taking my State Boards for my Registered Nurse Licensing…what a stressful and absolutely exhausting ordeal!
    Anyways, I'm back home and a little less exhausted so I figured I would start on Day 3 which reads,  "Describe your relationship with your spouse. " Which is an interesting one because I've never really had to describe our relationship (well except for once, and since I was pretty surprised by the question I said…well, umm we're married….)  Not really very eloquent, huh?!   So maybe today I will be able to do a little better….I'm never afraid to give it a shot!   

     
     So, I guess I should probably give you some background information about How I Met Your Father, (since HIMYM is about to go off the air, if anyone wants to suggest that I write a new television series, at least I can spin off of one of the greatest shows to hit prime time TV since Friends.  (and on a side note, Jay and I are actually quite similar to Marshal and Lilly, and we even have our very own Ted….We even used to have our very own Robin, and I can't really say we have a Barney….) Regardless, I guess I just started describing my relationship with your Dad, with out even introducing how we met…(and you'll probably never watch HIMYM when you get older so that was pretty pointless)  End Rabbit Trail Here.
     
     Ok, ANYWAYS.  I was 13. Your Dad was 15 and we both so happened to be at the San Angelo Relays (I hope you get to compete in them in High School).  The San Angelo Relays are one of the bigger track meets hosted in the area and it was no surprise that your Dad was there (he was almost as good in Track as he was in football in my opinion).  I was there with my friend who was "dating" a guy on your Dad's track team.  Well like all West Texas Springs, the temperature went from a nice 70's day to about a 50 degree evening and I was freezing cold and had borrowed a letterman jacket from the boy my friend and I had gone to watch compete.  Well, after a while we were walking around when your Dad, (mind you, he was already almost 6 ft tall and pretty intimidating  good looking) comes and taps me on the shoulder and all but accuses me of stealing the letterman jacket I was wearing.  I was pretty mortified…and kinda sorta  freaked out and excited that this cute older boy was talking to me.   But, I never really talked to him again until a couple of years later…fast forward about 2 years…. Your Dad and I both went to Youth at Glen Meadows Baptist Church.  He was much cooler than he had been at 15, and had a girlfriend that was always super super sweet to me.  After church we would all go to Rosa's and hang out…and eventually that lead to our group of friends growing over the years.   
      When I got to High School, your dad was a senior, at Wall and I was a Sophomore at Central. Just about every weekend of the next three years of my life, were spent in Wall hanging out with your Uncle Cory, Shay, and your Dad.  Over those three years your Dad and I became really really good friends. He always jokes that he realized I was the girl he wanted to marry when my friend Mark brought him to my house and asked me to make some sandwiches and I sweetly obliged.  During those 3 years your Dad and I both dated other people, but always seemed to be each other's shoulder to cry on. It wasn't always easy being friends with each other, but no matter what we were always there for each other.  About the time I moved off to College your Dad and I had kind of lost touch… over the next few years we seemed to be rare acquaintances rather than best friends. 
     Fast forward to July of 2010.  I was living in Lubbock, working as a Nanny and preparing to go back to Tech to finish school.  I had gone to San Angelo and had hoped to meet up with your Dad, but unfortunately we didn't get to see each other. He "facebook" messaged me a couple of days later and then decided he needed to have a serious conversation with me.  He told me that he had always been in love with me and was hoping to see if I might take a chance on him….greatest decision I ever made.  I moved back to San Angelo that summer, and started school at ASU.  By September, I knew your Dad and I would be getting married soon.  By March he had Proposed, and we were married in October of 2011.    
      While you're probably thinking that was a long story and had nothing to do with what this post was supposed to be about, I can tell you, you're wrong.   In order for you to understand the relationship I have with your Dad you have to realize where we started.  Kid(s), your dad, is my VERY best friend in the whole entire world.  He has taught me so much over the past 11 years!  He has never excluded me from the things he loves, we hunt, fish, and watch sports together.  He has supported me and helped me grow and evolve into a wife and a mother.  He is the leader of this household.  He has ALWAYS reminded me to lean on God and my faith when times get hard, and in return, he has taught me to lean on him.  Before I dated your Dad, I was a stubborn, independent, self sufficient gal.  I had been hurt a lot in the past and I had a really hard time trusting people, but your Dad took his time and proved to me that I could depend on him.  He always tries to protect me, encourage me, and be there for me.  He's quite the guy kid(s), but I'm sure y'all already know that.  He's kind, hardworking, and always laughs at my silliness.  I think thats my favorite part of my relationship with your Dad… he makes me laugh and laughs with me when I'm just being really REALLY silly.   He always goes along with my random escapades.  Whether its dancing in the kitchen when I'm cooking, or making a pallet of pillows and blankets and the air mattress for movie night in the living room…  
       Your Dad does a lot of the stuff that the media tells you is part of being a good husband; holding my hand in the car, opening car doors for me, carrying in the groceries, and bringing me soup when I'm sick…sometimes when he knows I'm really upset with him, he even brings me flowers!  But, he's also a real man that has flaws.  He sometimes forgets to get me a birthday card, or lets Valentine's Day slip by…but thats life.  Sometimes I'm too tired to have a hot meal waiting for him to eat when he comes home, or I forget to make his breakfast before work… but we forgive each other and love each other everyday! 
     Truth is, we've always had a lot of fu together…ever since we became friends.  But, in the past few years we've done a lot of growing up (I've kind of had to kick his butt in gear, but your Dad is WAY more laid back then me.)  We've gotten married, had Jaxon, bought a house, started working on making that house our home, had a career change (Dad) and a career beginning (Mom, after I graduated College, which I couldn't have done without your Dad).  We've learned a lot about life, ourselves, each other, being parents, and about how priceless our family is.  Your Dad and I's relationship is probably something I can't really put into words…sometimes, I don't know how to explain it myself.  We had a close family friend come up to us weeks before our wedding just gushing about how much she could tell we were in love and how "meant to be" we are.  I still think your Dad is my soul mate (even though when you grow up I'm hoping you realize that even marrying your soul mate means having to work a marriage).  I love that he and I got to give a part of us to you… that's why I love you (all) so much!  You have a good mix of all of your Dads great qualities, a lot of mine, and a few of our favorite bad habits.  We probably won't ever be perfect role models for how marriage, and life are "supposed" to be but I hope we can guide you to see what marriage and life can be when you nurture and invest in your relationship.

Until Next Time, 

Peace, Love and Holding Hands 

My Three Fears

Day 2 is to "Describe three legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears"

While yesterday seemed to be "fun" and light, this almost seems like something I really don't want to write about, but what kind of "writer" only talks about the good, the fun and the silly (well I wish the answer was ME! but unfortunately I am gonna "play by the rules on this one")   I guess most importantly I want my kid(s) to know that regardless of my fears, I hope that they see that I live my life in spite of fear.  I hope to never let fear control me, or bring me down.   Fear is probably the ugliest four letter word in my blog.  (Hey! I try to keep it tactful around here).   So here are my three fears.



1. Failing
2. Losing my Loved Ones
3. Disappointing People 


I guess these are probably pretty common fears.  Maybe not in this order, but I don't think that these are pretty normal fears for mom's, dads, adults. and just the entire human race to some extent share these fears with me… so I guess let's break it down.  How did these become my fears….


Failure-   Reading that word just makes me shudder.  My entire life I have felt the need to strive to be the Best mediocrity was NOT acceptable…I have always felt that I had something to prove.   I have always taken way too much stock into other people's opinions of me.  I admit it.  The minute I found out I was pregnant (with Jaxon) was exciting and amazing, but not two seconds after I found out my mind started racing to all the ways I could fail as a parent…as a mother…as a Nursing Student (yes, my sweet child, I selfishly thought that because I was pregnant with you, that I would fail out of Nursing School and would "fail" as an all around person at that point) and devastation set in. How was I, this clueless 22 year old "girl" supposed to raise a child. How was I supposed to maintain being a good wife, and a good student and how was I going to teach a little man to be respectful, god-fearing, and responsible.  I cried and cried to Jay… I felt like I was just opening the door to failure at that point.  Luckily, that fear of failure has pushed me to work harder, to strive more, and to look for help more often. Yes!  I'm telling you that ASKING FOR HELP despite your pride, is a great way to avoid failing, and let me tell you another secret… failure is not determined by not doing something right, or getting a bad grade, or "not passing" a class, or a semester or whatever… it's not being cut from the team, or not being the top of your class, or making a mistake… failure is refusing to try, giving up on something you're passionate about, and not working hard for what you want.  There are going to be things you can't obtain in life, but that does not make you a failure.  I hope that I never fail you my sweet baby, truth is, I may make mistakes (because I am human, and a far-from-perfect one at that) but I will not ever give up on you.  I will fall on my face a million times before I call myself a failure as your mother.

Losing my Loved Ones- Like I mentioned, I don't think that its uncommon for people to fear losing their loved ones.  It's terrifying, mind crippling, and heartbreaking (and unfortunately my child, you too will lose someone you love.)  I wish that there was a way that we would never have to be separated from the people we love.  But the truth is, that at some point in our lives, our earthly journey ends, and our eternal one begins… while you may lose that loved one here on Earth, I hope you learn to rejoice in the opportunity to meet with them again.  Don't ever let the fear of  loss keep you from falling in love, don't let it build up walls in your heart, or make you bitter, angry or mean.  Live every moment for what it is, build wonderful priceless and unforgettable memories with the people that you love so that they are never really lost.  They may not be here in flesh, but I promise you, if you truly love someone, they will always be in your heart.

Disappointing People- Kid(s), I am writing this at the prime age of 24 years old… and I can tell you right now, that I have disappointed SO many people in my life…. one I can think of in particular is your Papa (my Dad) he is the one person in this world that no matter how old I am, I hope that I don't disappoint him…but truth is, I'm human.  But, you know what… disappointing him never made him love me less, and it never made him not believe in me…and I hope that you will also know that even if something you do disappoints me (like reaching the marker out of the junk drawer this morning and coloring on my couch this morning) I will never love you less, or give up on you… I will teach, correct, and help you move on…

I guess I can't tell you why these are my fears anymore than I have, or how they become fears except for that's who I am…I am a little bit of a people pleaser, and I deeply care what other people think of me (I hope you inherit thick skin from your dad and learn to be unaffected by other people's opinions, but that you still have enough sense to be tactful, respectable and hardworking)  I take a lot of pride in my accomplishments and in myself (unfortunately that is also a downfall of mine) but I know that God has provided me with these tasks so that he can be glorified… I know that right now…your fears are the dark, too many kisses from the puppies, and mommy and daddy having to leave you with a sitter…and I wish that you could stay little forever so that your fears were never any bigger than that, but you have to grow up.  When you do, I hope that you feel that you can always talk to me about your fears, and we can battle them together. I love you, and I hope that I teach you that there is nothing to fear, but fear it's self….


Until Next Time,

Peace, Love and Overcoming Fears.

Thirty Things My Kid(s) Should Know About Me….

So, recently on one of my Pinterest "binges" I found a site sharing 30 blog prompts that are geared towards parents sharing some information about themselves with their children.  It actually even suggests making a book out of the entries…Which I think is actually a pretty cute idea.  One of my biggest fears is not having left something for my children (no matter how young) to know who I was, not only as their Mom, but also as a person.  So here are my 30 Things My Kid(s) should know about me in 30 days.   Big shout out to the wonderful lady that wrote these blog prompts to share with us… you can start your own 30 day journey here…. Click Here and Join the Fun :)

Here's the List :
1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears 
3. Describe your relationship with your spouse. 
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. What’s the hardest part of growing up?
14. Describe 5 and weaknesses strengths you have.
15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how I fell in love.
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?
19. How did you feel the moment you became a parent?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. Describe your relationship with your parents.
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. What’s your favorite holiday and why?
24. What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood?
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What’s your favorite quality in your spouse?
29. What are your hopes and dreams for your prosperity?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.


So For Day 1- Here are my 20 Facts

1. Ham and Cheese Sandwiches.   I have a slight obsession with ham and cheese sandwiches. They're absolutely one of my favorite meals and I can thank you Papa ( my dad) for that.  When i was little he and I used to enjoy some of the best sandwiches ever known to man.  
2. I have small feet, and I'm really embarrassed about how small they are so I buy tennis shoes bigger than the size I need so that my feet look "normal" for my height.  
3. I love love LOVE to dance.  Everyday I dance, even if it's just a little bit ( and even if Jaxon doesn't want to)
4. When I'm stressed out, I cook… or bake… but If I'm stressed I'm usually in the kitchen.  
5. Speaking of cooking, I took my first cooking class when I was 6 years old…and I've loved cooking ever since.   I promise to teach you to cook (and I love having you help me out while I'm cooking)
6. I love to write… which you're probably figuring out by now.  
7. I hope that someday we will get to live out of town and will be able to have lots of animals on a little piece of land.
8. When I was a senior in high school I won Supreme Grand Champion in the County Stock Show with my goat, that I named Jag. 
9. I also had a bottle fed goat named Pheonix whose mother died in a fire. She slept in a bin next to my bed, wore diapers, and even road in the truck with me to school everyday. She was super sweet.
10. I love to have my toes popped.   
11.  I really hate running, and working out all together, but I'm trying to enjoy it more. 
12. I love to read
13. Camping is my favorite summer time activity (and I only like really roughing it, by camping in a tent)
14. I love to sing. but I especially love when you sing with me.
15. I always wanted a BIG family, but regardless of how big or small our family is, it'll be full of love.
16. I love your Aunt Keke and Koko more than they'll ever know…be nice to your siblings if you ever have any…they'll be your very best friends. 
17. I love to drive when I'm upset. Windows down, and the music loud, but since you came along, drives with quiet music and the windows up are just fine with me, too.
18. I love fruit but I really love to share it with you.
19. I love to look at the stars. 
20. I love to travel, but I try to avoid touristy activities. I really like to learn about the culture of an area and see Local spots.


Ok, well that was much harder than I realized, and as usual, I write way too much when I'm supposed to just write short facts.   So I'm signing off :)


Peace, Love and Facts-

Kayla 

Jaxon Lately

     Sweet Jaxon is 18 months old!  He weighs 26 lbs, and I really don't know how tall he is because he hasn't had his appointment yet so yeah... haha I'll fill that in later.  He is absolutely in love with Buzz Lightyear and brings me the remote every morning after breakfast and says "Buzz, Buzz?!"  He has a stuffed Buzz and Woody that he carries around everywhere. He wears 18-24 month clothes, but he's taken after his momma, and his booty is starting to fill his jeans faster than his waist is;  so we're hitting a little close to 24 months lately.  Every night, he has to sleep with his Texas Rangers pillow pets, his glow-worm (that he's hated since I bought it), his Night Light animal, Buzz, Woody, Nemo, his Scentsy frog, and his sock bunny.  Needless to say, his little bed is absolutely packed to the rim.  He's down to one nap a day around 12:30 and only naps until about 2:30 or 3:00.  He has a pretty large vocabulary; Buzz, Momma, Dadda, Ace, Eyes, thank you, uh oh, Uh huh, Yes, No, Bye-Bye, Hi, Puppy, Baby, Bubba, book, Nose, Bite, Boom ( thanks to His Auntie Koko), Night Night, Nemo, Ball, See, That, this, and he's a really really sweet kiss giver!  He loves to give big ole bear hugs, and play ball. He and Ace are pretty inseparable, which is funny, because the day I brought Ace home, Ace felt the need to curl up with him and nap as often as he could.  Ace and Ranger are two of the craziest Dogs I have ever had, and their little personalities (BIG personalities?) seem to show themselves more and more everyday.
     
       Being that Jaxon has reached his second "half birthday" that can only mean that Christmas and Graduation recently came to pass also.  Graduation was absolutely one of the most exciting times of my entire life.  It was such a blessing to be surrounded by my family and friends at pinning, graduation and my graduation party.  Sadly, I almost thought this day would never come.  It seemed so far out of reach, from finding out I was pregnant at the end of my first semester, to struggling with Adult Health II, and struggling through leaving my sweet baby boy for 144 hours to complete my residency.  I couldn't have done it without all of the support and encouragement and love I received over the past 2.5 years.  Since graduation, I have been on the job search, and had a couple of offers, but nothing that I have accepted just yet.  I refuse to settle for something I'm not 100% committed to, so I'm holding out for a position at Community Medical Center on the PCU, if it's not in the cards, I know life will sort itself out.  I still have to take boards (which is a whole different story seeing as where there have been some issues with ASU/TxBON but I'm definitely ready to have that in my rearview mirror as well.

     December is always a busy time at our house, and as soon as graduation was over it was time for Christmas festivities to begin.  The weekend after graduation, we went to Baird to spend Christmas with Eddie's family at the ranch.  As usual, it was a pretty rowdy fun time.  Nothing beats a big family with lots of laughs, and great food.  When we got home, it was time for Christmas Eve at our house, and Christmas Day at Tanya and Tobin's and My Dad's.  Jaxon is a pretty lucky little guy, he got some really neat gifts and has already made good use of all of them!  He got a slide that he loves to play on, a battery powered four-wheeler that he drives (backwards most of the time) all over the house and the yard, lots of blocks, clothes, and a new toy crate.  He made out like a bandit, to say the least.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season, and I hope that 2014 blesses everyone with joy, prosperity, and love.

Until Next Time,
Peace, Love and Resolutions

After Pinning with my favorite guys

(check out Jax's adorable tie!)

My handsome guys at Graduation 

Graduation Picture with Jax and Daddy 

Pictures from our attempt to take Christmas Card pictures this year…. 

 and a couple of my graduation pictures...

Well I would NEVER….

      Almost two years ago, I was 22, a newlywed and fighting with my first symptom of pregnancy….morning sickness.  I was exhausted, excited and nauseas.  I also wasn't ready to share my big news with the world because I wasn't ready for the snide comments that come from anything good happening in someones' life.   Prior to being pregnant I was "that girl", you know, the one that said things like, "when I have kids, they will never…." or "When I have kids, I will never…"   I was the type of girl that made comments like, "must be something in the water…" to put it lightly, I was a little full of myself.  I thought I had all the answers.    When I did finally announce my pregnancy on Facebook, within 10 minutes I saw the "everyone's getting pregnant, must be in the water…glad its not me".  My heart sank…. how could someone, undermine my pregnancy with something so snide.  To this day, I still think of the girl that said it with a little bit of hurt, maybe its petty, but that made me realize how much of an impact people's words have on us.
        Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago:  I'm a member of a "secret" group on Facebook for Mother's across the world to share and collaborate on how to solve their maternal dilemmas. Everything from choosing to cloth diaper, to problems with our significant others to sharing funny stories about how our baby is the most amazing thing we have ever encountered.   For the most part, I like  LOVE being a part of the group. I love the stories, the encouragement, and being able to relate to someone that just understands.  One thing I've noticed though, is that there is a growing incidence of "mom bashing".  Now that I am a mother myself, I realize I don't have all the answer. and I probably never will.   I recently posted about Jaxon having a rash, one I had been watching obsessively, and treating every way I knew possible.  I decided to seek out some advice from my group of moms.  I thought, "well I've looked at this rash a million times and I've obviously convinced myself I know what it is, but maybe I'm just seeing what I want to".  I received some encouragement, and then… like a knife through the heart I got " Well, I would have already taken my child to the pediatrician".  Oh.  I thought,  I must officially be one of THOSE moms.  (You know, the ones that are too lazy or too stupid or just absolutely too selfish to take their child to the doctor).  My heart sank, and my head started reeling, and I was automatically nauseas. I was convinced my child probably was going to stop breathing and I was going to be completely and utterly regretting not being one of those mothers who rushes her child to the pediatrician for a scraped knee.  I KNOW my child, and I know my educational background… deep down inside I knew that Jaxon just had a rash…and thats why I hadn't taken him to the doctor.  I knew how to care for the type of rash he had, but I was just frustrated with the fact that it hadn't just completely gone away.  (Trust me, had my child been acting anything less that "normal" straight to the doctor he would have gone…but as he's running through the house playing basketball, and "tickling" me… I really think he's doing ok… sorry for the rabbit trail).   So why did some "strangers" words have to make me feel so inadequate?
      Another example I can think of is when Jaxon was really little, an extremely healthy friend from high school had posted about how people who feed their children food from McDonalds "Don't care about their health and should be able to be parents at all…"  WHAT?! Now, Jaxon was far too young to have eaten anything solid, but how could someone tell me that if I choose to feed my child something unhealthy that I should lose my (or any parent's) right as a parent?!  Doesn't anyone think that because I  aided in the conception, carrying, development and birth of this beautiful baby boy that is part of my DNA that I know how to care for him? I get that some people just genuinely do not care care for their children, but I do, and for that, I think I deserve a LITTLE credit.
      Facebook seems to be the root of a lot of the inadequacy I think that we all face as parents.  Facebook, Pinterest, Society… they all play a large part.  As mothers, parents, women, we're all told to look a certain way, cook a certain way, keep a spotless house with chevron walls and home made 200 calorie meals.  We should all work out until we have tightly toned bodies.  Our children should all read before kindergarten, and should never play with iPhones at the dinner table, they should all do chores by 18 months and we should plan weekly date nights with our perfect husbands.   I don't know about yall, but my life isn't quite that cookie cutter.  I rarely have time to get in a good work out, I rarely get date nights with my husband, I can't paint chevron walls in my house to save my life, I have let my child play with an iPhone at dinner JUST SO I COULD EAT.  I've been that mom with a screaming child in a restaurant.  We eat fast food sometimes, my house looks like a goldfish, or toy factory exploded.  I don't buy all organic, all natural foods, and quite frankly, I don't like the taste of the majority of "healthy foods."
      As a mother, I don't think we ever feel "good enough" or like we have all the answers (and if you do, you're probably doing something wrong (wink*) From the moment I found out I was pregnant  I began becoming so fixated on what society expects from Mothers.  But, the truth is… is that there isn't just one expectation…there are a dozen of them.  Some people judge you if you leave your child with a sitter for a night on the town, others tell you you HAVE to make date nights a priority.  Some people tell you that breast feeding and cloth diapering are the ONLY way to care for your child, while circumcision, spanking and bed sleeping are neglect and abuse.  As mothers, we are pulled in a million different directions, the expectations we are held to (and that we hold our selves to) is far beyond our reach. We can't please everyone, and no one else knows our child like we do.  Why do we feel the need to rant and rave about mothers who do things differently from us? There's science out there to prove every fact we want to prove…thats the beauty of life, difference.  So why can't we accept and RESPECT  each other for our differences.  Why do we have to belittle, and attack and put down anyone who isn't like us?  There's no perfection in motherhood.  So why do we spend so much time letting other people influence our ideas and actions.  Why as mothers, aren't we building each other up? Why aren't we encouraging each other and reminding each other than we're all doing the best thing we can, why can't we give advice suggestions lovingly?   I hope that I can be an example of that type of mother, one that teaches lovingly, one that shares lovingly, one that lives lovingly, and for that… I will declare myself successful.  


Until Next Time,
Peace, Love and Love.

Better Late than Never?

Well, I can honestly say that I am terribly behind in my blogging…. I had high hopes of writing Jaxon this eloquent blog of how amazing the first year of his life had been for our family, and I failed miserably when I didn't ever find the time to do it…. I had quite a bit of anxiety with the upcoming school year and between party planning, traveling, 4th of July and numerous family reunions, time just slipped away.  I will say though, that Jaxon just continues to exude joy and innocence.  So I'll update on him first!

Jaxon is 16 months and 2 days today!  I have no clue where the time has gone but man has it flown!  He's a walking, talking, hilarious little character.  He has one of the most entertaining personalities.  Some of his favorite words are "see!" "puppy" (puppau) and "sit!"   He answers all of his questions with a nod and "uh-huhm" or  a clear shake of his little noggin to tell us No!.  He says "dank too" (Thank you) and we can occasionally get a PLEASE out of him…he still loves to hold my hand when he walks, but when he's found something he wants to explore, he takes off.  He loves to "drive cars" and throw balls, his puppies are the absolute best part of his day, and he's starting to become quite the little dancer.   He LOVES to give big hugs, but he's not as gracious with kiss (unless he's blowing them and telling you, Buh BYE! He's in size 18-24 size clothes and though they are "baggy" they're the only thing long enough for his tall self!  He's got teeth coming in right and left so I can't really say how many he has.  He is absolutely infatuated with Finding Nemo but also enjoys Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, Rio, Monster's Inc, Despicable Me, and Cars.  (Mater is his favorite by far!)  Some of his favorite foods are cheeseburgers, pizza, grapes, bananas, oranges, peaches, and the occasional Carmel Apple Spice from Starbucks for those really cold days.  He loves to play at the park, and loves to climb. For Halloween he was Charlie Brown (and by far the cutest Charlie Brown I have ever seen!) and we took him Trick-Or-Treating around his Papa's neighborhood.  He's growing and changing by the day, just like our love for him.

Jay and I just recently celebrated two years of being married, and though we didn't get to celebrate with the romantic weekend we had planned, we enjoyed a family trip to San Antonio to walk in the Light the Night Walk for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society followed by a trip to the Alamo, Natural Bridge Wildlife Reserve, and a delicious meal at Mamacita's and Alamo City Cafe.  It was definitely a great weekend.  On our actual anniversary, I had worked the night before, and the night of so I only saw Jay for a total of 10 mins (I brought him breakfast burritos).  It was definitely a little hard on us, but we have more than celebrated these past two years with lots of memories and laughs along the way!   You may have noticed I said I "worked" well, truth be told I'm finishing my Senior Residency for nursing school, so I'm really not "working" (seeing is where I'm not being paid).  Our senior residency consists of twelve 12-hour shifts spent at a chosen facility with a chosen preceptor for one on one clinical experience.  I started out on Nights and worked 8 shifts with one preceptor at Community Medical Center's PCU (it's a step down unit, when people come out of ICU thats the place they go until they can be moved to a lesser acute unit, or can go home) my last 4 shifts were done on Days with a Different preceptor, and I finish this week!   That means Graduation is right around the corner!   It's definitely exciting and I cannot wait to be done.  I will definitely miss my classmates but Nursing School is taking a toll on my sanity!  Graduation is Dec 14 at 10:00 am at the Junell Center, and my Pinning Ceremony is on Dec 13 at 6:00 pm! I am SO SO SO excited.  Our families are throwing me a celebratory Lunch on Saturday and It will be so nice to get to celebrate with all of the wonderful people that have helped this dream become a reality.  I know this blog is short, and a little bit chaotic, but it's better than nothing!  I'm adding some pictures from the past few months!  Enjoy

Until Next Time,
Peace, Love and Mortarboards

Jaxon's First Birthday Party

Jay, Me, and Jaxon At his Birthday Party 

Enjoying his Cake 

Watkins Family Reunion 2013

Meet the Cousins, 2013 

Light the Night Walk, San Antonio, TX 2013 

Natural Bridge Wildlife Ranch, 2013 

Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin, Halloween

Jaxon's First Birthday Photoshoot  

Jaxon Henry, July 20130 

July 2013