Well I would NEVER….

      Almost two years ago, I was 22, a newlywed and fighting with my first symptom of pregnancy….morning sickness.  I was exhausted, excited and nauseas.  I also wasn't ready to share my big news with the world because I wasn't ready for the snide comments that come from anything good happening in someones' life.   Prior to being pregnant I was "that girl", you know, the one that said things like, "when I have kids, they will never…." or "When I have kids, I will never…"   I was the type of girl that made comments like, "must be something in the water…" to put it lightly, I was a little full of myself.  I thought I had all the answers.    When I did finally announce my pregnancy on Facebook, within 10 minutes I saw the "everyone's getting pregnant, must be in the water…glad its not me".  My heart sank…. how could someone, undermine my pregnancy with something so snide.  To this day, I still think of the girl that said it with a little bit of hurt, maybe its petty, but that made me realize how much of an impact people's words have on us.
        Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago:  I'm a member of a "secret" group on Facebook for Mother's across the world to share and collaborate on how to solve their maternal dilemmas. Everything from choosing to cloth diaper, to problems with our significant others to sharing funny stories about how our baby is the most amazing thing we have ever encountered.   For the most part, I like  LOVE being a part of the group. I love the stories, the encouragement, and being able to relate to someone that just understands.  One thing I've noticed though, is that there is a growing incidence of "mom bashing".  Now that I am a mother myself, I realize I don't have all the answer. and I probably never will.   I recently posted about Jaxon having a rash, one I had been watching obsessively, and treating every way I knew possible.  I decided to seek out some advice from my group of moms.  I thought, "well I've looked at this rash a million times and I've obviously convinced myself I know what it is, but maybe I'm just seeing what I want to".  I received some encouragement, and then… like a knife through the heart I got " Well, I would have already taken my child to the pediatrician".  Oh.  I thought,  I must officially be one of THOSE moms.  (You know, the ones that are too lazy or too stupid or just absolutely too selfish to take their child to the doctor).  My heart sank, and my head started reeling, and I was automatically nauseas. I was convinced my child probably was going to stop breathing and I was going to be completely and utterly regretting not being one of those mothers who rushes her child to the pediatrician for a scraped knee.  I KNOW my child, and I know my educational background… deep down inside I knew that Jaxon just had a rash…and thats why I hadn't taken him to the doctor.  I knew how to care for the type of rash he had, but I was just frustrated with the fact that it hadn't just completely gone away.  (Trust me, had my child been acting anything less that "normal" straight to the doctor he would have gone…but as he's running through the house playing basketball, and "tickling" me… I really think he's doing ok… sorry for the rabbit trail).   So why did some "strangers" words have to make me feel so inadequate?
      Another example I can think of is when Jaxon was really little, an extremely healthy friend from high school had posted about how people who feed their children food from McDonalds "Don't care about their health and should be able to be parents at all…"  WHAT?! Now, Jaxon was far too young to have eaten anything solid, but how could someone tell me that if I choose to feed my child something unhealthy that I should lose my (or any parent's) right as a parent?!  Doesn't anyone think that because I  aided in the conception, carrying, development and birth of this beautiful baby boy that is part of my DNA that I know how to care for him? I get that some people just genuinely do not care care for their children, but I do, and for that, I think I deserve a LITTLE credit.
      Facebook seems to be the root of a lot of the inadequacy I think that we all face as parents.  Facebook, Pinterest, Society… they all play a large part.  As mothers, parents, women, we're all told to look a certain way, cook a certain way, keep a spotless house with chevron walls and home made 200 calorie meals.  We should all work out until we have tightly toned bodies.  Our children should all read before kindergarten, and should never play with iPhones at the dinner table, they should all do chores by 18 months and we should plan weekly date nights with our perfect husbands.   I don't know about yall, but my life isn't quite that cookie cutter.  I rarely have time to get in a good work out, I rarely get date nights with my husband, I can't paint chevron walls in my house to save my life, I have let my child play with an iPhone at dinner JUST SO I COULD EAT.  I've been that mom with a screaming child in a restaurant.  We eat fast food sometimes, my house looks like a goldfish, or toy factory exploded.  I don't buy all organic, all natural foods, and quite frankly, I don't like the taste of the majority of "healthy foods."
      As a mother, I don't think we ever feel "good enough" or like we have all the answers (and if you do, you're probably doing something wrong (wink*) From the moment I found out I was pregnant  I began becoming so fixated on what society expects from Mothers.  But, the truth is… is that there isn't just one expectation…there are a dozen of them.  Some people judge you if you leave your child with a sitter for a night on the town, others tell you you HAVE to make date nights a priority.  Some people tell you that breast feeding and cloth diapering are the ONLY way to care for your child, while circumcision, spanking and bed sleeping are neglect and abuse.  As mothers, we are pulled in a million different directions, the expectations we are held to (and that we hold our selves to) is far beyond our reach. We can't please everyone, and no one else knows our child like we do.  Why do we feel the need to rant and rave about mothers who do things differently from us? There's science out there to prove every fact we want to prove…thats the beauty of life, difference.  So why can't we accept and RESPECT  each other for our differences.  Why do we have to belittle, and attack and put down anyone who isn't like us?  There's no perfection in motherhood.  So why do we spend so much time letting other people influence our ideas and actions.  Why as mothers, aren't we building each other up? Why aren't we encouraging each other and reminding each other than we're all doing the best thing we can, why can't we give advice suggestions lovingly?   I hope that I can be an example of that type of mother, one that teaches lovingly, one that shares lovingly, one that lives lovingly, and for that… I will declare myself successful.  


Until Next Time,
Peace, Love and Love.