Unapologetically HG

    So, many of you know, and many of you don't that Jay and I are expecting another little bundle of fun to join our already crazy family in the winter.  I haven't shared much because up until today, I hadn't felt very "pregnant" and I haven't had a sonogram yet and I wanted to wait until I did to tell the world, but today was one of those days that made me feel VERY pregnant.  It seems as if my Hyperemesis Gravidarum is back with a vengeance.  For those of you that don't know what HG is, its a complication that causes severe and persistent nausea, vomiting, and often leads to dehydration and weight loss.  It often accompanies several hospital stays, bags of IV fluids, and medications all just necessary to keep some form of normalcy in a mother-to-be's life.  I had HG with both of my boys, and unfortunately from the other survivors I've spoken to, it only seems to get worse with each subsequent pregnancy.  After Kasen, I thought I would NEVER have another baby thanks to this absolutely horrific complication.  While I'm sure many of you are thinking "it's called morning sickness and people go through it everyday" let me just explain to you that comparing HG and morning sickness is like comparing a Hurricane to a rain shower.  HG often lasts the duration of ones pregnancies and sometimes leads to the need for other medical interventions including feeding tubes and Zofran pumps.  Some women have even decided to terminate their pregnancies due to the lack of nourishment and the hardships HG causes. So trust me when I tell you, this isn't just morning sickness.

     Obviously, many people know NOTHING about HG, its not commonly spoken about and until recently most doctors didn't even acknowledge its existence.  It's not easy, and its VERY miserable, and unfortunately it effects more than just a mother and her unborn baby.  It effects every aspect of your life in a negative way, and infact, about 50% of mothers that suffer from HG are diagnosed as clinically depressed in response to how HG effects their lives.  I just want to share some thoughts I've had throughout my pregnancies to give a perspective on how HG effects the world around me everyday.



     To the Mother-    It's here! The day you've been hoping and praying for, for as long as you can remember.  The positive pregnancy test, the call from the doctor, the heartbeat on the ultrasound confirming a dream come true.  You are anticipating the pregnancy glow, the adorable bump, and all the "wonder" that comes with this magical time in your life.  What you weren't expecting were 10+ episodes of running to the bathroom day in and day out for weeks on end.  You weren't expecting weight loss, dehydration, and malnourishment.  You weren't expecting to spend your weekends, evenings, lunch breaks, or workdays in the ER or L&D being given 1000mls of NS wide open to rehydrate you.  You weren't expecting days where you couldn't get off the couch because you were so weak from not keeping anything down for days....you weren't expecting this.
    Husbands-  You knew your life would change and that you would be responsible for "more" around the house.  You knew your wife would be moody, and hungry, and tired; that she would want back and foot rubs and to be treated to ice cream at 2am despite the fact that there isn't any in the freezer.  You knew she might be "sick" from time to time and that you would eventually get used to the site of saltines at her bedside. What you didn't expect; were days spent where she does nothing but cry and vomit simultaneously until she is pure worn out.  You didn't expect your house to look like a disaster zone day in and day out because the smells of cleaning supplies, and laundry detergent, and your dirty clothes send her into a tailspin of violent vomiting.  You didn't expect her to gag through the grocery store as you passed raw meat, or to not eat more than a bite or two at a time because she can't stomach even her favorite foods. You didn't imagine you'd be spending your days off holding her hand as she sits and receives fluids and cries about the situation.  You never thought you'd hear the sounds of her retching day in and day out as your once beautiful and strong wife becomes weak and worn out.  You never expected something so wonderful to be so tragic.
       To the other children- you may be so excited about another brother or sister, or maybe you're unsure but you definitely don't understand why your mommy seems to be so sick and sad so often.  You have no idea why she barely cooks, and never eats with you anymore.  Why your fridge is stocked with lunchables and frozen PB&J's when you clearly know, your Mom knows how to make these things herself.  You can't understand why she's constantly asking for your help, or why she can't take you to do all the fun things she used to today.  You wonder why this baby that everyone is so happy about is making your Mommy so sad, so sick, and so tired, but you just try to take it day by day and pray that things are better tomorrow.  You were expecting change, but you weren't expecting this.

To the rest of the world- Friends that expected your schedule to change, but can't understand why you can't keep dinner plans, or movie night plans or even show up to weddings or baby showers because you're terrified of getting sick at a public place or function, become frustrated and disappointed in your frequent "flakiness".  Your house looks like a mess, the pantry is empty, the laundry has piled up, and the dogs are almost ignored except for the quick rub on the head as you refill their water and food.  There are days when you physically cannot do your job thanks to dehydration and lack of nutrients.  When your boss is frustrated with you and your coworkers gossip about how you need to just "suck it up".  Truth is HG changes everything, and somedays you wonder how being so miserable can be so "worth it" but Momma, I promise you, the misery and terrible flashbacks someday fade.  Someday, you'll be able to walk through the grocery store again, and enjoy your favorite foods, when Pedialyte won't be your first drink of choice and when you'll hold that baby in your arms and feel relief that the worst is over. I'm not going to tell you that you'll miss being pregnant or be glad you endured the worst of the worst, but you will be glad it's over.  You'll have made new friends that endure this misery with you, that understand, and that care, and that would hold your hand, or your hair through the roughest days.  Your kids gain some independence, and you are blown away by how smart and wonderful they became. You learn to lean on your husband a little more, and to ignore th messy house from time to time (because babies only stay little for so long, so whats a few more months of chaos).  You learn to be strong, to endure, and to survive.  How to pick yourself up off the floor day in and day out and do the very best that you can.  You learn your strength, your grace and your beauty and you use it to educate other people.  To be there for the Moms that feel alone, or to take over lunch to a husband and the other children that are over frozen pb&j's.  You learn to wash your face, dust yourself off, and keep going.



Until Next Time,
 Peace, love, and toilet bowls.
kb