With only 11 weeks left until I'm officially the mother to a little girl, it's safe to say that my hormones are running rampant on my life. I spend every single day wanting to soak up every drop of my boys moments, while simultaneously wishing they would just finally give me a break and catch some sleep. The moment they're asleep, I'm overcome with tears full of joy, sadness, guilt, longing for their noises, and everything in between. Every night about the time they fall asleep, I usually catch Maggie moving like a mad woman. I'm sure she moves through out the day, but its in those quiet moments that I get to focus on her for just a little bit, and the emotions all come flooding back. I couldn't be a more blessed wife or mother, and to be 100% honest, I'm completely undeserving. I yell at my boys too often, I take Jay for granted WAY more than I should, I'm short on patience, super distracted, and I keep myself SO busy that I can't seem to give them enough of me at the end of the day. But, for some unknown reason, God has blessed me with EXACTLY what I have always longed for. A family, that despite our shortcomings loves each other non-stop. As the days and weeks of this pregnancy march on, there are times when I wonder what my relationship will be like as my kids age. Will they also know that I love them? Will they question if I love them enough? Will they look back and remember the nights I told them we wouldn't snuggle and watch movies, only to give in because all I want is to hold them? Will they remember that even though it was hard, I always left my door open for them to crawl into my bed at any given point in the night? Will they remember that I kissed them and prayed for and with them ever night after we read books before our movies? Will they think back to the song I've sang for them since the day they were born and remember how overtime I sang it I would tear up. This "mom" thing is hard. Super hard, especially when you come from a family that more often than not, was filled with anguish, and heartbreak, and longing for some normalcy. So many of the scars of my past haunt me through this parenting journey. I wonder if I'm enough, if I'm doing it right, if my kids are going to grow up and resent me for not being a good enough parent, and day after day I feel broken, and yet so wonderfully held together by my love for these tiny blessings and their pure and loving hearts.
Knowing that I'm having a daughter has changed me in a way that I don't even think I can pinpoint. When people ask me if I'm excited, I get a twinge of anxiety, and sadness, because as much as I am excited, I'm terrified. I also feel guilty that it feels as if people assume my boys weren't enough. I've said it a million times and I'll say it a million more, I never knew I wanted a daughter, I never longed for pony tails, and tutu's. It was a desire hidden so far in my heart that I had NO clue it even existed, but God knew better than me once again. I pray everyday I do right by all three of my kids, but I pray differently for Maggie, I pray that I teach her to be loving and strong, to survive in a world that so often makes it hard for a woman to succeed. I pray to lead her in grace and understanding and to be able to teach her that her worth is not found in anyone but herself. My boys, I feel like they know that, or that teaching them that is so much more concrete. But with girls, I feel as if the journey is totally different. I"ve written letters to all three of my children through my blog during each one of my pregnancies. For Jaxon, it was the end of my "nesting" and the start of my labor, Kasen, it was an attempt at preserving some "us" time in the midst of pure chaos, but with Maggie, the letter has been written over and over in my head. I've wanted to tell her a million things that are the insiders scoop to being a girl in this crazy world. Some of it light, other parts dark and real, but all of it is important. So tonight, as I get a few minutes to myself while my sweet boys are snuggled up asleep I figured I'd finally let some of the truth flow. Hopefully it'll put these hormones in check for a few days, or at least make it bearable for me to function without crying as I walk into drop the boys off for school every other morning.
My Dearest Magnolia,
Sometimes it seems as if your due date is so far away, and other days, the anxierty of you being here creeps up on me like a shadow. To say that I'm excited is an understatement, to say that I am scared is an even bigger understatement. You will be my one and only girl, my one shot at teaching another tender hearted little lady about how to be the best you can be when it comes to being human. I hope you're a far better person than me. I hope that for your brothers too, but I pray everyday that you're more loving, more kind, more patient, and more beautiful than me. I pray that you know how to walk away form people and things that hurt you. I hope you know how to find your worth in your own soul, and not the words and actions of someone else. I hope you never leave yourself in unsafe and vulnerable positions, but I hope you give true love the fighting chance it deserves. I hope you follow your gut when it comes to making friends. That you don't fight for relationships that aren't building you up and making you a better person. I hope you realize, long before you're 22 that not all of your "friends" have your best interests at heart. I hope you never let jealousy ruin your friendships. That you never take for granted your gifts and your journey. I hope you never compare yourself to another girl on this planet. That you never wonder if you're as pretty as someone else, or as smart, or if you're as loved. I hope you never have to bypass your morals or beliefs to fit in. I hope you never expect that from anyone else, either. I hope you never feel like you're not good enough. I hope you never treat anyone like they're "less than" you. I hope you're open-minded and open-hearted and realize that just because someone looks differently, or believes differently, or is different in any way, shape or form doesn't mean they don't deserve grace, understanding, and respect.
I hope everyday sweet girl that you find more comfort in your sweet and loving Daddy, and in your heavenly father than you do any man on this planet. I hope you never have to search for the approval of a man that isn't good enough for you. I pray you have more respect for yourself, than any other human being on this planet. You set the standard of the respect you'll receive, sweet girl. I hope your brothers will be your best friends, and that the three of you will never feel like you're treated differently. I hope you all three realize that we love you all with that same amount of our bursting hearts, but we love you in ways that cater to your own personalities. I hope you relish the time with your grandparents, sweet girl, because I know, all too well, that the years are so short but the memories seem to not be enough when the time comes to say goodbye. I hope you learn to take care of yourself and find pride in your independence, while still being graceful enough to accept help when its offered. Be grateful when that help is given. Be loving and respectful to your future spouse, promise me, you won't try to run off the most wonderful man in your life, like I do all the time. I hope that someday, when you're older, you meet and marry a man so much like your Daddy, someone that doesn't leave no matter how far you push him. I hope you won't push like me, Maggie. I hope that you give, and accept love without reservations or fear. I hope you have the most wide open heart, with just enough strength to know that love shouldn't hurt. I pray that IF you ever have your heart broken, you'll find solace in letting me brush through your hair while you cry in my lap and we watch sad girl movies until we can't cry anymore. I pray you find a great group of friends, a tribe, and I hope those friendships last you a lifetime. I pray that when some of those friendships end for reasons beyond your control, that you don't blame yourself, and that the grieving is short and thorough. I pray you never feel like you can't be honest. I pray that you always feel like you can be yourself. Please don't let anyone ever tell you that you're "too much" or "too loud" or "too passionate" or "too intimidating. Don't let anyone put out your fire for life, Maggie. Don't ever let anyone dim your shine. Hold fast to the promises of the future God has planned for you, and always be your big brothers' biggest fan. Don't wish away your childhood, sweet girl. Relish every moment you live under this roof with this crazy family. Don't let anyone tell you that your life choices are wrong. Whether you grow up to be a doctor, and don't marry until you're 40 (or even at all) or if you're 22, in college, broke, marrying the cute older boy you met when you were 13, just seek God's will for your life and be confident in your choices. Don't be afraid to ask questions, to admit your wrongs, or to respectfully question the way things have always been. Find your voice, and use it. Don't ever be shut out. Be beautiful, sweet daughter, on the inside before anything else, because beauty all radiate from your sweet soul and will captivate people for much longer than your outward appearance ever will. Above all else, Maggie, know that I love you, and that I'm always in your corner, that I will fight for you until you can fight for yourself. Know your Daddy loves you more than you could ever imagine, and that his heart longed for you for years before you were even a tiny little bean. Your brothers think you're pretty special, too. They have loved you from the very moment we knew you would be a part of our family. They're super special little guys and I know you'll always appreciate their most precious, loving hearts. Know I only want the best for you, Magnolia, and not by monetary standards, but in all the things money can't buy. I can't wait to see your sweet face and hold you in our arms. I love you my sweet bean,
Love Always,
Mom
Thursday, November 17, 2016
Thursday, July 14, 2016
Third Pregnancy- A League of Its Own.
So I guess its been about a week since Jay and I announced the news of our Baby Bean (each of my babies has had an in-utero nickname and this baby has been deemed "Bean, Jaxon was Baby J, and Kase was baby M2). I will say this pregnancy has been SO different than the other two. At first, I thought HG was back and the next 8-9 months were going to be terrible, but fortunately, it seemed to have lasted a few days, and the vomiting has stopped. The nausea is minimal and I feel better than I've EVER felt being pregnant! I know thats not a popular thing to say when you're pregnant because it makes people loathe you (personal experience perhaps, haha) but I do feel really good. Obviously, I'm tired. EXTREMELY tired, and throw living alone when Jay's gone, two kids, and an overnight 12 hour, extremely busy job in there, and its a recipe for extreme exhaustion. Naps are my best friend and my house is pretty disastrous to say the least. I haven't been cooking much, and my appetite has been extremely small. I haven't craved many foods, maybe some sour candy from time to time but thats a staple in my life 24/7. I do crave Lunchables pretty often because I'm secretly 5 years old, but thats about the extent of that.
When i got pregnant this time I made the commitment to get my battle with food under control. For the last few years working out has been extremely important to me. I've been back and forth with flexible dieting (aka counting macros, please if you want more information on this leave me a comment and I'll share my tips with you) and clean eating. I often fail at clean eating because giving up dairy and sour candy isn't always high on my list for the week so I try to do a decent combination of both; gearing my meals to whole, clean foods, within my suggested macronutrients each day. Some days are harder than others because I have pretty heavy food aversions to meat based proteins, especially chicken, which is the staple in my protein intake. I've started eating more low sugar greek yogurts for breakfast and that seems to help with my protein intake, but I so sorely miss my protein shakes that I was using for snacks and recovery aids post work out. Unfortunately, my protein powder was immediately removed from my diet as soon as I found out I was pregnant because BCAA's (branch chain amino acids) were a key ingredient and recent research shows that increased amounts of BCAA's may cause mental retardation in fetuses and nursing children. No brainer for me on the removal of the protein shakes. I'm not big supplement person, but prior to getting pregnant I took an amino acid drink mix for a pre-workout, and used my protein powder as a recovery drink. Working out without them has been extremely interesting. I can tell a major difference in my endurance and recovery.
Speaking of working out, I NEVER thought I'd be the type of woman that would say, "I'm going to continue to lift weights throughout my pregnancy. I'm going to continue to work out as long as I can throughout my pregnancy." But, today, I am. I will never label myself as a "fit" girl. Obviously, I'm not anywhere near my ideal weight, but I'm SO much more active than I have been in previous pregnancies. Working out doing cardio strength training for an hour three days a week isn't much compared to doing two hours of strength training including power and olympic lifting three to five days a week like I was prior to becoming pregnant, but it's a great start for me. Especially after a couple of months off from weight lifting. Prior to becoming pregnant I was maxing out my back squats at 225, dead lifts at 250, and bench press at 95. Obviously, my doctor did not recommend that I continue my heavy lifting during pregnancy. She suggests that I don't lift more than 25lbs, BUT I will admit that thats not feasible for me right now. Jaxon is 35lbs, Kasen is 25lbs, and there's no way I can avoid lifting in and out of their car seats, the changing table, the crib, the bath tub, etc. I just have made the commitment to listen to my body. Obviously I'm not lifting anywhere my max now. My dietary intake has been majorly reduced so I know Im not giving my body as much as it needs for workouts like that, and I don't personally feel comfortable squatting 225 with Baby Bean depending on me to take the best care of them as I can, but I'm still lifting weights, still doing cardio training, and I'm planning on starting back in Yoga next week when I'm not working like a mad woman.
There have been quiet a few things I've done differently this pregnancy, I've switched my Prenatal vitamins and DHA from Nature's Made combo prenatal and DHA to Smarty Pants Brand with DHA, EPA and Omega 3's They're gummies, they come 120 to a bottle and I found them at Target for $22.95. I thought maybe they would help with the sour candy craving, but lets face it, they don't taste anywhere as delicious as Sour Punch Straws do. They are extremely digestible, don't make me sick, and don't taste terrible. They've been a pretty great choice so far. They're not GMO, gluten, allergen, artificial color, flavor and preservative free. I usually take them at dinner time so that I have something in my stomach, but also so they can be digested at night while I'm sleeping without making me queasy, even when I have taken them during the day, or before my night shifts, I haven't had any issues with them making me nauseas! Always a win in my book.
Having a third baby has meant some major changes for our family. Prior to confirming our pregnancy, we had listed our house and were planning on moving out to the Wall School District so our littles could follow in their Daddy's footsteps, after lots of prayer and discernment, we came to the realization right now is not the time for us to make that move, we made the decision to take our house off the market, and two days later we got our big fat positive. Our house is 3/2 and a little on the "cozy" side, but I'm excited to (hopefully) complete our little family right here in this little house. The boys will be sharing a bedroom starting in the next few months. They're both extremely excited to be getting "up and down" beds -per Jaxon- (bunk beds). They're inseperable anyways, and we do our bedtime routine in Jaxon's bed every night anyways, so them sharing a room is just extremely exciting to them. Another issue we faced was having a big enough car to comfortable fit three carseats and be big enough to fit all of our "stuff" in it also. Luckily, an old high school friend is in the process of helping us get into a 2016 Yukon XL and I am absolutely STOKED. Getting rid of Jay's (my) Jeep was extremely hard on me. Not only has it been an awesome hobby, driving a jeep is like being in the cool kids club. I guess I'm exciting the club and taking the "west texas mom's club" and moving onto a full sized giant SUV. I'm already love with it and can't wait to get everything done so it's officially mine.
We have had our first sonogram and appointment and I was so relieved to see that tiny heart beat pulsing away at 177 beats per minute. Obviously, we cannot wait to find out if we're adding another rough and tumble boy, or a well looked out for, little girl. I'll have lab work done on July 25 to draw blood to detect the gender, so we'll know within 2 weeks from that date. I can't say we're hoping for one over the other, because either way we'll be extremely excited, but I'd be lying if I said I had both boy and girl names picked out. Currently we have a girl's name set in stone, but the ONLY boys name I want, Jay is completely against, and anyone that knows the story with Kasen's name knows that we are named out on the Boys side. Jaxon and Kasen are both EXTREMELY excited about the baby and were so happy that my doctor so graciously printed them out their own sonogram pictures. Jaxon is convinced its another brother, and his name is going to be Kasen or Jay Moore Jr. No to both of those, for the record. They'll be just as excited for whatever we're blessed with as we will be.
All in all, pregnancy is pregnancy and you never imagine how much it would change from child to child but truth is, it changes immensely. This has been a much more positive journey over all for me compared to being pregnant with the boys. I was always stressed out and worried, I did't feel well, and I gained a lot of weight. I tried to stay active with Kasen but it was impossible with how sick I was all the time. This time, my commitment to being healthy, active, and eating better is number one, and so far there has been zero weight gain. I hope to keep it to a minimum and my doctor has told me that being overly worried about the scale isn't in her plan of care for me. She's excited to hear that I'm staying active and is supportive of me in doing that. PS if you're pregnant and living in San Angelo, call Community Health Club and get some information about their Two-Fit Program. It's a great program and their facilities are WONDERFUL.
Until next time,
Peace, Love, and Bumps and Barbells
kb
When i got pregnant this time I made the commitment to get my battle with food under control. For the last few years working out has been extremely important to me. I've been back and forth with flexible dieting (aka counting macros, please if you want more information on this leave me a comment and I'll share my tips with you) and clean eating. I often fail at clean eating because giving up dairy and sour candy isn't always high on my list for the week so I try to do a decent combination of both; gearing my meals to whole, clean foods, within my suggested macronutrients each day. Some days are harder than others because I have pretty heavy food aversions to meat based proteins, especially chicken, which is the staple in my protein intake. I've started eating more low sugar greek yogurts for breakfast and that seems to help with my protein intake, but I so sorely miss my protein shakes that I was using for snacks and recovery aids post work out. Unfortunately, my protein powder was immediately removed from my diet as soon as I found out I was pregnant because BCAA's (branch chain amino acids) were a key ingredient and recent research shows that increased amounts of BCAA's may cause mental retardation in fetuses and nursing children. No brainer for me on the removal of the protein shakes. I'm not big supplement person, but prior to getting pregnant I took an amino acid drink mix for a pre-workout, and used my protein powder as a recovery drink. Working out without them has been extremely interesting. I can tell a major difference in my endurance and recovery.
Speaking of working out, I NEVER thought I'd be the type of woman that would say, "I'm going to continue to lift weights throughout my pregnancy. I'm going to continue to work out as long as I can throughout my pregnancy." But, today, I am. I will never label myself as a "fit" girl. Obviously, I'm not anywhere near my ideal weight, but I'm SO much more active than I have been in previous pregnancies. Working out doing cardio strength training for an hour three days a week isn't much compared to doing two hours of strength training including power and olympic lifting three to five days a week like I was prior to becoming pregnant, but it's a great start for me. Especially after a couple of months off from weight lifting. Prior to becoming pregnant I was maxing out my back squats at 225, dead lifts at 250, and bench press at 95. Obviously, my doctor did not recommend that I continue my heavy lifting during pregnancy. She suggests that I don't lift more than 25lbs, BUT I will admit that thats not feasible for me right now. Jaxon is 35lbs, Kasen is 25lbs, and there's no way I can avoid lifting in and out of their car seats, the changing table, the crib, the bath tub, etc. I just have made the commitment to listen to my body. Obviously I'm not lifting anywhere my max now. My dietary intake has been majorly reduced so I know Im not giving my body as much as it needs for workouts like that, and I don't personally feel comfortable squatting 225 with Baby Bean depending on me to take the best care of them as I can, but I'm still lifting weights, still doing cardio training, and I'm planning on starting back in Yoga next week when I'm not working like a mad woman.
There have been quiet a few things I've done differently this pregnancy, I've switched my Prenatal vitamins and DHA from Nature's Made combo prenatal and DHA to Smarty Pants Brand with DHA, EPA and Omega 3's They're gummies, they come 120 to a bottle and I found them at Target for $22.95. I thought maybe they would help with the sour candy craving, but lets face it, they don't taste anywhere as delicious as Sour Punch Straws do. They are extremely digestible, don't make me sick, and don't taste terrible. They've been a pretty great choice so far. They're not GMO, gluten, allergen, artificial color, flavor and preservative free. I usually take them at dinner time so that I have something in my stomach, but also so they can be digested at night while I'm sleeping without making me queasy, even when I have taken them during the day, or before my night shifts, I haven't had any issues with them making me nauseas! Always a win in my book.
Having a third baby has meant some major changes for our family. Prior to confirming our pregnancy, we had listed our house and were planning on moving out to the Wall School District so our littles could follow in their Daddy's footsteps, after lots of prayer and discernment, we came to the realization right now is not the time for us to make that move, we made the decision to take our house off the market, and two days later we got our big fat positive. Our house is 3/2 and a little on the "cozy" side, but I'm excited to (hopefully) complete our little family right here in this little house. The boys will be sharing a bedroom starting in the next few months. They're both extremely excited to be getting "up and down" beds -per Jaxon- (bunk beds). They're inseperable anyways, and we do our bedtime routine in Jaxon's bed every night anyways, so them sharing a room is just extremely exciting to them. Another issue we faced was having a big enough car to comfortable fit three carseats and be big enough to fit all of our "stuff" in it also. Luckily, an old high school friend is in the process of helping us get into a 2016 Yukon XL and I am absolutely STOKED. Getting rid of Jay's (my) Jeep was extremely hard on me. Not only has it been an awesome hobby, driving a jeep is like being in the cool kids club. I guess I'm exciting the club and taking the "west texas mom's club" and moving onto a full sized giant SUV. I'm already love with it and can't wait to get everything done so it's officially mine.
We have had our first sonogram and appointment and I was so relieved to see that tiny heart beat pulsing away at 177 beats per minute. Obviously, we cannot wait to find out if we're adding another rough and tumble boy, or a well looked out for, little girl. I'll have lab work done on July 25 to draw blood to detect the gender, so we'll know within 2 weeks from that date. I can't say we're hoping for one over the other, because either way we'll be extremely excited, but I'd be lying if I said I had both boy and girl names picked out. Currently we have a girl's name set in stone, but the ONLY boys name I want, Jay is completely against, and anyone that knows the story with Kasen's name knows that we are named out on the Boys side. Jaxon and Kasen are both EXTREMELY excited about the baby and were so happy that my doctor so graciously printed them out their own sonogram pictures. Jaxon is convinced its another brother, and his name is going to be Kasen or Jay Moore Jr. No to both of those, for the record. They'll be just as excited for whatever we're blessed with as we will be.
All in all, pregnancy is pregnancy and you never imagine how much it would change from child to child but truth is, it changes immensely. This has been a much more positive journey over all for me compared to being pregnant with the boys. I was always stressed out and worried, I did't feel well, and I gained a lot of weight. I tried to stay active with Kasen but it was impossible with how sick I was all the time. This time, my commitment to being healthy, active, and eating better is number one, and so far there has been zero weight gain. I hope to keep it to a minimum and my doctor has told me that being overly worried about the scale isn't in her plan of care for me. She's excited to hear that I'm staying active and is supportive of me in doing that. PS if you're pregnant and living in San Angelo, call Community Health Club and get some information about their Two-Fit Program. It's a great program and their facilities are WONDERFUL.
Until next time,
Peace, Love, and Bumps and Barbells
kb
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
Unapologetically HG
So, many of you know, and many of you don't that Jay and I are expecting another little bundle of fun to join our already crazy family in the winter. I haven't shared much because up until today, I hadn't felt very "pregnant" and I haven't had a sonogram yet and I wanted to wait until I did to tell the world, but today was one of those days that made me feel VERY pregnant. It seems as if my Hyperemesis Gravidarum is back with a vengeance. For those of you that don't know what HG is, its a complication that causes severe and persistent nausea, vomiting, and often leads to dehydration and weight loss. It often accompanies several hospital stays, bags of IV fluids, and medications all just necessary to keep some form of normalcy in a mother-to-be's life. I had HG with both of my boys, and unfortunately from the other survivors I've spoken to, it only seems to get worse with each subsequent pregnancy. After Kasen, I thought I would NEVER have another baby thanks to this absolutely horrific complication. While I'm sure many of you are thinking "it's called morning sickness and people go through it everyday" let me just explain to you that comparing HG and morning sickness is like comparing a Hurricane to a rain shower. HG often lasts the duration of ones pregnancies and sometimes leads to the need for other medical interventions including feeding tubes and Zofran pumps. Some women have even decided to terminate their pregnancies due to the lack of nourishment and the hardships HG causes. So trust me when I tell you, this isn't just morning sickness.
Obviously, many people know NOTHING about HG, its not commonly spoken about and until recently most doctors didn't even acknowledge its existence. It's not easy, and its VERY miserable, and unfortunately it effects more than just a mother and her unborn baby. It effects every aspect of your life in a negative way, and infact, about 50% of mothers that suffer from HG are diagnosed as clinically depressed in response to how HG effects their lives. I just want to share some thoughts I've had throughout my pregnancies to give a perspective on how HG effects the world around me everyday.
To the Mother- It's here! The day you've been hoping and praying for, for as long as you can remember. The positive pregnancy test, the call from the doctor, the heartbeat on the ultrasound confirming a dream come true. You are anticipating the pregnancy glow, the adorable bump, and all the "wonder" that comes with this magical time in your life. What you weren't expecting were 10+ episodes of running to the bathroom day in and day out for weeks on end. You weren't expecting weight loss, dehydration, and malnourishment. You weren't expecting to spend your weekends, evenings, lunch breaks, or workdays in the ER or L&D being given 1000mls of NS wide open to rehydrate you. You weren't expecting days where you couldn't get off the couch because you were so weak from not keeping anything down for days....you weren't expecting this.
Husbands- You knew your life would change and that you would be responsible for "more" around the house. You knew your wife would be moody, and hungry, and tired; that she would want back and foot rubs and to be treated to ice cream at 2am despite the fact that there isn't any in the freezer. You knew she might be "sick" from time to time and that you would eventually get used to the site of saltines at her bedside. What you didn't expect; were days spent where she does nothing but cry and vomit simultaneously until she is pure worn out. You didn't expect your house to look like a disaster zone day in and day out because the smells of cleaning supplies, and laundry detergent, and your dirty clothes send her into a tailspin of violent vomiting. You didn't expect her to gag through the grocery store as you passed raw meat, or to not eat more than a bite or two at a time because she can't stomach even her favorite foods. You didn't imagine you'd be spending your days off holding her hand as she sits and receives fluids and cries about the situation. You never thought you'd hear the sounds of her retching day in and day out as your once beautiful and strong wife becomes weak and worn out. You never expected something so wonderful to be so tragic.
To the other children- you may be so excited about another brother or sister, or maybe you're unsure but you definitely don't understand why your mommy seems to be so sick and sad so often. You have no idea why she barely cooks, and never eats with you anymore. Why your fridge is stocked with lunchables and frozen PB&J's when you clearly know, your Mom knows how to make these things herself. You can't understand why she's constantly asking for your help, or why she can't take you to do all the fun things she used to today. You wonder why this baby that everyone is so happy about is making your Mommy so sad, so sick, and so tired, but you just try to take it day by day and pray that things are better tomorrow. You were expecting change, but you weren't expecting this.
To the rest of the world- Friends that expected your schedule to change, but can't understand why you can't keep dinner plans, or movie night plans or even show up to weddings or baby showers because you're terrified of getting sick at a public place or function, become frustrated and disappointed in your frequent "flakiness". Your house looks like a mess, the pantry is empty, the laundry has piled up, and the dogs are almost ignored except for the quick rub on the head as you refill their water and food. There are days when you physically cannot do your job thanks to dehydration and lack of nutrients. When your boss is frustrated with you and your coworkers gossip about how you need to just "suck it up". Truth is HG changes everything, and somedays you wonder how being so miserable can be so "worth it" but Momma, I promise you, the misery and terrible flashbacks someday fade. Someday, you'll be able to walk through the grocery store again, and enjoy your favorite foods, when Pedialyte won't be your first drink of choice and when you'll hold that baby in your arms and feel relief that the worst is over. I'm not going to tell you that you'll miss being pregnant or be glad you endured the worst of the worst, but you will be glad it's over. You'll have made new friends that endure this misery with you, that understand, and that care, and that would hold your hand, or your hair through the roughest days. Your kids gain some independence, and you are blown away by how smart and wonderful they became. You learn to lean on your husband a little more, and to ignore th messy house from time to time (because babies only stay little for so long, so whats a few more months of chaos). You learn to be strong, to endure, and to survive. How to pick yourself up off the floor day in and day out and do the very best that you can. You learn your strength, your grace and your beauty and you use it to educate other people. To be there for the Moms that feel alone, or to take over lunch to a husband and the other children that are over frozen pb&j's. You learn to wash your face, dust yourself off, and keep going.
Until Next Time,
Peace, love, and toilet bowls.
kb
Friday, March 25, 2016
Faux Granite Counter Tops- A Lesson in Patience and Exploration
So I think just about everyone knows that we're preparing to list our house and buy a fixer upper in a neighboring community where the Husband attended school. With hat being said, I have been trying to spruce up this house to add a little bit of flare to get it sold more quickly. There are a lot of projects I've put off doing because I figured I had forever to do them, and then there are some, that I just wasn't brave enough to try. This was one of those projects.
I had a lot of people ask about the process I used and one of my best friends has been trying to convince me to share some of my DIY's so I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to start. I read numerous Pinterest posts and nothing really spoke to me about HOW to go about painting this. Everything was just "no rhyme or reason, no patterns, use a sea sponge, TA DAH! mine came out perfect!" Anyone that knows me knows, nothing I do goes like I plan...theres always a glitch. This project was no exception.
I started off with laminate counter tops that had been painted a flat brown by the previous owner. (So shout out to Shelby in making my project that much easier). I started off by taking off EVERYTHING on the counter tops obviously. Once everything was accumulated to the kitchen table I cleaned and prepped my counter tops with a little LA's Totally Awesome Cleaning Spray (found at the Dollar Tree)- If you haven't tried this stuff, its pretty great; and extremely inexpensive, but I'll have to share about that next time. I just sprayed and wiped. Make sure you get the crevices, and sides really good. Next I took Frog Tape from Lowe's and taped off the walls, the sink, etc. * Tape two layers stacked on top of each other for the walls if you're messy like me. Once everything was taped off and cleaned, I prepared my paints. (If your laminate isn't color that you feel will blend with your desired look, I suggest painting the entire counter top with a single color before beginning.
I started out with 4 different colors. Anita's All Purpose Metallic Craft Paint in Black, and Espresso Bean, Folk Art Metallic Acrylic Paint in Pure Gold, and Americana Acrylic Paint in Bleached Sand. (All found at Hobby Lobby) I had a pretty solid idea in my head of what I wanted it to look like, and I picked colors based on what I had envisioned. The black, was not at all metallic, which was perfect for what I wanted but it was something I had on hand from another project so I knew what it was going to look like. The gold, was in fact VERY gold, I wanted something that had some shine and sparkle to accent all the flat colors, something to give it that "real" contrast. Just go with whatever look you want. I really wanted to add some turquoise to match my dining room but I decided I better just stick with my natural earth tones. I used a foil roasting pan (from HEB) and put some paint in each corner, all bets were off.
I also purchased a Sea Sponge (also from Hobby Lobby) because I had read that was the best way to apply the paint. When I started with the Sea Sponge, it was a terrible look. Everything was too uniform, there was no blending, it was a mess. So I cut my sponge into several different sizes, and then proceeded to find a plastic bag, and an old small paint brush to help with my project. I knew I wanted darker counter tops so i started with my lighter accent colors (Bleached Sand and Pure Gold). I used different sizes of sponges for the Sand and the Gold. Some areas were very heavy in gold, and some were more heavy with the Sand. I then took the black, and another couple of sizes of sponge and layered it on top of the lighter colors. The first layers I did, I used a sponge for the Espresso- which was my key color. It didn't turn out to well.
So I layer on a little bit more of the white, gold, and black, and then took my plastic bag, crinkled it up in my hand, and went to town with the brown paint. This made a WORLD of difference. Once I got the hang of the plastic bag, I started getting more than one color on the plastic bag. A little brown, a little bit of the black, and maybe some area with white. There was some areas where I lightly brushed my paints with the plastic bag, and then layered over it with the same "stippled" pattern from the plastic bag. It's really all about trial and error.
My major tips for this part would have to be 1) use different application processes- I don't care if you do some crazy splatters, or use a loofa, whatever makes you happy, don't be afraid to try it. 2) tape tape tape- I'm extremely messy when I paint. I had paint all over the place. I was then left scrubbing paint off my walls where I had only used one row of tape. 3) If you feel like it doesn't look natural enough, it doesn't. Once I finally got the look I wanted, it was like it just "clicked". I went from hating this project to feeling like a pro within a matter of minutes. 4) you CAN work with paint still being wet on the countertops. I never left my project for a few hours to let it dry. once you start working, the paint dries quickly anyways but bleeding paint colors is necessary so don't be worried if it mixes. 5) If you're short like me, work from the back of the counter to the front- I had paint all over the place because I kept having to lean against the counter to reach the back. 6) The crevices of where you're counters go up the wal, and the sides that turn to the floor are the hardest to cover. Go heavy on the paint. 7) don't over analyze the project. Even if you mess it up, keep working, you'll find a way to get the look you want- just don't be afraid to explore!.
Once my counter tops were dry all the way, I used a sealer to protect the paint from cleaners, chips, etc. I used a spray Acrylic Sealer from Mod Podge in Gloss (Hobby Lobby) but, do as I say, not as I do in this situation and buy some Polycrylic (Lowe's) and roll it on with a paint roller. I had to open up all the windows, doors, and turn all the fans on and it still was WAY too much for me to handle. I've also heard rave reviews about using Epoxy to achieve a very high gloss, resin finish. I didn't have the time or the will power for that option. I did two coats of the sealant. Let each coat dry in between applications, and didn't use any heave cleaners or put anything that would stick to my counter tops back for the first 24 hours. Everything is holding up nicely. I love the changes it made in my kitchen and I think it was a success.
I had a lot of people ask about the process I used and one of my best friends has been trying to convince me to share some of my DIY's so I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to start. I read numerous Pinterest posts and nothing really spoke to me about HOW to go about painting this. Everything was just "no rhyme or reason, no patterns, use a sea sponge, TA DAH! mine came out perfect!" Anyone that knows me knows, nothing I do goes like I plan...theres always a glitch. This project was no exception.
I started off with laminate counter tops that had been painted a flat brown by the previous owner. (So shout out to Shelby in making my project that much easier). I started off by taking off EVERYTHING on the counter tops obviously. Once everything was accumulated to the kitchen table I cleaned and prepped my counter tops with a little LA's Totally Awesome Cleaning Spray (found at the Dollar Tree)- If you haven't tried this stuff, its pretty great; and extremely inexpensive, but I'll have to share about that next time. I just sprayed and wiped. Make sure you get the crevices, and sides really good. Next I took Frog Tape from Lowe's and taped off the walls, the sink, etc. * Tape two layers stacked on top of each other for the walls if you're messy like me. Once everything was taped off and cleaned, I prepared my paints. (If your laminate isn't color that you feel will blend with your desired look, I suggest painting the entire counter top with a single color before beginning.
I started out with 4 different colors. Anita's All Purpose Metallic Craft Paint in Black, and Espresso Bean, Folk Art Metallic Acrylic Paint in Pure Gold, and Americana Acrylic Paint in Bleached Sand. (All found at Hobby Lobby) I had a pretty solid idea in my head of what I wanted it to look like, and I picked colors based on what I had envisioned. The black, was not at all metallic, which was perfect for what I wanted but it was something I had on hand from another project so I knew what it was going to look like. The gold, was in fact VERY gold, I wanted something that had some shine and sparkle to accent all the flat colors, something to give it that "real" contrast. Just go with whatever look you want. I really wanted to add some turquoise to match my dining room but I decided I better just stick with my natural earth tones. I used a foil roasting pan (from HEB) and put some paint in each corner, all bets were off.
I also purchased a Sea Sponge (also from Hobby Lobby) because I had read that was the best way to apply the paint. When I started with the Sea Sponge, it was a terrible look. Everything was too uniform, there was no blending, it was a mess. So I cut my sponge into several different sizes, and then proceeded to find a plastic bag, and an old small paint brush to help with my project. I knew I wanted darker counter tops so i started with my lighter accent colors (Bleached Sand and Pure Gold). I used different sizes of sponges for the Sand and the Gold. Some areas were very heavy in gold, and some were more heavy with the Sand. I then took the black, and another couple of sizes of sponge and layered it on top of the lighter colors. The first layers I did, I used a sponge for the Espresso- which was my key color. It didn't turn out to well.
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| Clearly, you can see that it needed some MAJOR blending. This looks awful to me, someone even referred to it as looking like a calico cat. But it got better. |
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| The finished product! I couldn't be happier about the outcome! I hope a buyer loves it as much as I do! |
My major tips for this part would have to be 1) use different application processes- I don't care if you do some crazy splatters, or use a loofa, whatever makes you happy, don't be afraid to try it. 2) tape tape tape- I'm extremely messy when I paint. I had paint all over the place. I was then left scrubbing paint off my walls where I had only used one row of tape. 3) If you feel like it doesn't look natural enough, it doesn't. Once I finally got the look I wanted, it was like it just "clicked". I went from hating this project to feeling like a pro within a matter of minutes. 4) you CAN work with paint still being wet on the countertops. I never left my project for a few hours to let it dry. once you start working, the paint dries quickly anyways but bleeding paint colors is necessary so don't be worried if it mixes. 5) If you're short like me, work from the back of the counter to the front- I had paint all over the place because I kept having to lean against the counter to reach the back. 6) The crevices of where you're counters go up the wal, and the sides that turn to the floor are the hardest to cover. Go heavy on the paint. 7) don't over analyze the project. Even if you mess it up, keep working, you'll find a way to get the look you want- just don't be afraid to explore!.
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| Here were the players in todays project. Not pictured, the foil roasting pan, frog tape, and the paint brush. |
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| In this picture, you can see where I taped off the Sink. This was my after. The Countertops were originally the same color as the cabinets. Ignore my Dirty Dishes... I started this project in the middle of the day and couldn't risk splashing my counter tops after lunch.
Total Cost- I'm going to estimate $30 or less. I bought my paint on sale at Hobby Lobby. The small bottles were between $.54- $1.37 each and I bought 3 of the small espresso bean, one of each of the bleached sand (wished I had grabbed a second) and one of the gold. I had a large black bottle of paint on hand from another project, but you could buy 2 or three bottles of black and do a small kitchen. I only showed half of my kitchen in my photos. theres still a large bar, and the other half of the sink that were done also. The sea sponge was $3.99- without a coupon. Mod Podge Spray was $8.99 without a coupon- but I suggest purchasing polycrylic instead. It's just easier to work with
Total Time- 4-5 hours- I have to work around two small children, that need to be fed, cared for, picked up from MDO, etc. It kind of adds to how long it takes
Skill level- Absolute beginner! You just have to be brave enough to try it!
-Until Next Time
Peace, Love and Sea Sponge-
Kayla
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