My Three Fears

Day 2 is to "Describe three legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears"

While yesterday seemed to be "fun" and light, this almost seems like something I really don't want to write about, but what kind of "writer" only talks about the good, the fun and the silly (well I wish the answer was ME! but unfortunately I am gonna "play by the rules on this one")   I guess most importantly I want my kid(s) to know that regardless of my fears, I hope that they see that I live my life in spite of fear.  I hope to never let fear control me, or bring me down.   Fear is probably the ugliest four letter word in my blog.  (Hey! I try to keep it tactful around here).   So here are my three fears.



1. Failing
2. Losing my Loved Ones
3. Disappointing People 


I guess these are probably pretty common fears.  Maybe not in this order, but I don't think that these are pretty normal fears for mom's, dads, adults. and just the entire human race to some extent share these fears with me… so I guess let's break it down.  How did these become my fears….


Failure-   Reading that word just makes me shudder.  My entire life I have felt the need to strive to be the Best mediocrity was NOT acceptable…I have always felt that I had something to prove.   I have always taken way too much stock into other people's opinions of me.  I admit it.  The minute I found out I was pregnant (with Jaxon) was exciting and amazing, but not two seconds after I found out my mind started racing to all the ways I could fail as a parent…as a mother…as a Nursing Student (yes, my sweet child, I selfishly thought that because I was pregnant with you, that I would fail out of Nursing School and would "fail" as an all around person at that point) and devastation set in. How was I, this clueless 22 year old "girl" supposed to raise a child. How was I supposed to maintain being a good wife, and a good student and how was I going to teach a little man to be respectful, god-fearing, and responsible.  I cried and cried to Jay… I felt like I was just opening the door to failure at that point.  Luckily, that fear of failure has pushed me to work harder, to strive more, and to look for help more often. Yes!  I'm telling you that ASKING FOR HELP despite your pride, is a great way to avoid failing, and let me tell you another secret… failure is not determined by not doing something right, or getting a bad grade, or "not passing" a class, or a semester or whatever… it's not being cut from the team, or not being the top of your class, or making a mistake… failure is refusing to try, giving up on something you're passionate about, and not working hard for what you want.  There are going to be things you can't obtain in life, but that does not make you a failure.  I hope that I never fail you my sweet baby, truth is, I may make mistakes (because I am human, and a far-from-perfect one at that) but I will not ever give up on you.  I will fall on my face a million times before I call myself a failure as your mother.

Losing my Loved Ones- Like I mentioned, I don't think that its uncommon for people to fear losing their loved ones.  It's terrifying, mind crippling, and heartbreaking (and unfortunately my child, you too will lose someone you love.)  I wish that there was a way that we would never have to be separated from the people we love.  But the truth is, that at some point in our lives, our earthly journey ends, and our eternal one begins… while you may lose that loved one here on Earth, I hope you learn to rejoice in the opportunity to meet with them again.  Don't ever let the fear of  loss keep you from falling in love, don't let it build up walls in your heart, or make you bitter, angry or mean.  Live every moment for what it is, build wonderful priceless and unforgettable memories with the people that you love so that they are never really lost.  They may not be here in flesh, but I promise you, if you truly love someone, they will always be in your heart.

Disappointing People- Kid(s), I am writing this at the prime age of 24 years old… and I can tell you right now, that I have disappointed SO many people in my life…. one I can think of in particular is your Papa (my Dad) he is the one person in this world that no matter how old I am, I hope that I don't disappoint him…but truth is, I'm human.  But, you know what… disappointing him never made him love me less, and it never made him not believe in me…and I hope that you will also know that even if something you do disappoints me (like reaching the marker out of the junk drawer this morning and coloring on my couch this morning) I will never love you less, or give up on you… I will teach, correct, and help you move on…

I guess I can't tell you why these are my fears anymore than I have, or how they become fears except for that's who I am…I am a little bit of a people pleaser, and I deeply care what other people think of me (I hope you inherit thick skin from your dad and learn to be unaffected by other people's opinions, but that you still have enough sense to be tactful, respectable and hardworking)  I take a lot of pride in my accomplishments and in myself (unfortunately that is also a downfall of mine) but I know that God has provided me with these tasks so that he can be glorified… I know that right now…your fears are the dark, too many kisses from the puppies, and mommy and daddy having to leave you with a sitter…and I wish that you could stay little forever so that your fears were never any bigger than that, but you have to grow up.  When you do, I hope that you feel that you can always talk to me about your fears, and we can battle them together. I love you, and I hope that I teach you that there is nothing to fear, but fear it's self….


Until Next Time,

Peace, Love and Overcoming Fears.

Thirty Things My Kid(s) Should Know About Me….

So, recently on one of my Pinterest "binges" I found a site sharing 30 blog prompts that are geared towards parents sharing some information about themselves with their children.  It actually even suggests making a book out of the entries…Which I think is actually a pretty cute idea.  One of my biggest fears is not having left something for my children (no matter how young) to know who I was, not only as their Mom, but also as a person.  So here are my 30 Things My Kid(s) should know about me in 30 days.   Big shout out to the wonderful lady that wrote these blog prompts to share with us… you can start your own 30 day journey here…. Click Here and Join the Fun :)

Here's the List :
1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears 
3. Describe your relationship with your spouse. 
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. What’s the hardest part of growing up?
14. Describe 5 and weaknesses strengths you have.
15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how I fell in love.
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?
19. How did you feel the moment you became a parent?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. Describe your relationship with your parents.
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. What’s your favorite holiday and why?
24. What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood?
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What’s your favorite quality in your spouse?
29. What are your hopes and dreams for your prosperity?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.


So For Day 1- Here are my 20 Facts

1. Ham and Cheese Sandwiches.   I have a slight obsession with ham and cheese sandwiches. They're absolutely one of my favorite meals and I can thank you Papa ( my dad) for that.  When i was little he and I used to enjoy some of the best sandwiches ever known to man.  
2. I have small feet, and I'm really embarrassed about how small they are so I buy tennis shoes bigger than the size I need so that my feet look "normal" for my height.  
3. I love love LOVE to dance.  Everyday I dance, even if it's just a little bit ( and even if Jaxon doesn't want to)
4. When I'm stressed out, I cook… or bake… but If I'm stressed I'm usually in the kitchen.  
5. Speaking of cooking, I took my first cooking class when I was 6 years old…and I've loved cooking ever since.   I promise to teach you to cook (and I love having you help me out while I'm cooking)
6. I love to write… which you're probably figuring out by now.  
7. I hope that someday we will get to live out of town and will be able to have lots of animals on a little piece of land.
8. When I was a senior in high school I won Supreme Grand Champion in the County Stock Show with my goat, that I named Jag. 
9. I also had a bottle fed goat named Pheonix whose mother died in a fire. She slept in a bin next to my bed, wore diapers, and even road in the truck with me to school everyday. She was super sweet.
10. I love to have my toes popped.   
11.  I really hate running, and working out all together, but I'm trying to enjoy it more. 
12. I love to read
13. Camping is my favorite summer time activity (and I only like really roughing it, by camping in a tent)
14. I love to sing. but I especially love when you sing with me.
15. I always wanted a BIG family, but regardless of how big or small our family is, it'll be full of love.
16. I love your Aunt Keke and Koko more than they'll ever know…be nice to your siblings if you ever have any…they'll be your very best friends. 
17. I love to drive when I'm upset. Windows down, and the music loud, but since you came along, drives with quiet music and the windows up are just fine with me, too.
18. I love fruit but I really love to share it with you.
19. I love to look at the stars. 
20. I love to travel, but I try to avoid touristy activities. I really like to learn about the culture of an area and see Local spots.


Ok, well that was much harder than I realized, and as usual, I write way too much when I'm supposed to just write short facts.   So I'm signing off :)


Peace, Love and Facts-

Kayla 

Jaxon Lately

     Sweet Jaxon is 18 months old!  He weighs 26 lbs, and I really don't know how tall he is because he hasn't had his appointment yet so yeah... haha I'll fill that in later.  He is absolutely in love with Buzz Lightyear and brings me the remote every morning after breakfast and says "Buzz, Buzz?!"  He has a stuffed Buzz and Woody that he carries around everywhere. He wears 18-24 month clothes, but he's taken after his momma, and his booty is starting to fill his jeans faster than his waist is;  so we're hitting a little close to 24 months lately.  Every night, he has to sleep with his Texas Rangers pillow pets, his glow-worm (that he's hated since I bought it), his Night Light animal, Buzz, Woody, Nemo, his Scentsy frog, and his sock bunny.  Needless to say, his little bed is absolutely packed to the rim.  He's down to one nap a day around 12:30 and only naps until about 2:30 or 3:00.  He has a pretty large vocabulary; Buzz, Momma, Dadda, Ace, Eyes, thank you, uh oh, Uh huh, Yes, No, Bye-Bye, Hi, Puppy, Baby, Bubba, book, Nose, Bite, Boom ( thanks to His Auntie Koko), Night Night, Nemo, Ball, See, That, this, and he's a really really sweet kiss giver!  He loves to give big ole bear hugs, and play ball. He and Ace are pretty inseparable, which is funny, because the day I brought Ace home, Ace felt the need to curl up with him and nap as often as he could.  Ace and Ranger are two of the craziest Dogs I have ever had, and their little personalities (BIG personalities?) seem to show themselves more and more everyday.
     
       Being that Jaxon has reached his second "half birthday" that can only mean that Christmas and Graduation recently came to pass also.  Graduation was absolutely one of the most exciting times of my entire life.  It was such a blessing to be surrounded by my family and friends at pinning, graduation and my graduation party.  Sadly, I almost thought this day would never come.  It seemed so far out of reach, from finding out I was pregnant at the end of my first semester, to struggling with Adult Health II, and struggling through leaving my sweet baby boy for 144 hours to complete my residency.  I couldn't have done it without all of the support and encouragement and love I received over the past 2.5 years.  Since graduation, I have been on the job search, and had a couple of offers, but nothing that I have accepted just yet.  I refuse to settle for something I'm not 100% committed to, so I'm holding out for a position at Community Medical Center on the PCU, if it's not in the cards, I know life will sort itself out.  I still have to take boards (which is a whole different story seeing as where there have been some issues with ASU/TxBON but I'm definitely ready to have that in my rearview mirror as well.

     December is always a busy time at our house, and as soon as graduation was over it was time for Christmas festivities to begin.  The weekend after graduation, we went to Baird to spend Christmas with Eddie's family at the ranch.  As usual, it was a pretty rowdy fun time.  Nothing beats a big family with lots of laughs, and great food.  When we got home, it was time for Christmas Eve at our house, and Christmas Day at Tanya and Tobin's and My Dad's.  Jaxon is a pretty lucky little guy, he got some really neat gifts and has already made good use of all of them!  He got a slide that he loves to play on, a battery powered four-wheeler that he drives (backwards most of the time) all over the house and the yard, lots of blocks, clothes, and a new toy crate.  He made out like a bandit, to say the least.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season, and I hope that 2014 blesses everyone with joy, prosperity, and love.

Until Next Time,
Peace, Love and Resolutions

After Pinning with my favorite guys

(check out Jax's adorable tie!)

My handsome guys at Graduation 

Graduation Picture with Jax and Daddy 

Pictures from our attempt to take Christmas Card pictures this year…. 

 and a couple of my graduation pictures...