I realize its been eons since I last published anything. It's not that I haven't written, not that I don't have a dozen rough drafts laying around my virtual desk, and definitely not that I haven't had much to say, just that writing anything I felt ready to make public has been a daunting task. The last few months have been extremely trying for me mentally, and emotionally. It's been a series of transitions, new findings, and acceptance of some very strong emotions. This post has been something that has been weighing so heavily on my heart for the last few weeks and I think I'm finally ready to give it ago.
I turned 26 this year, it felt so insignificant, just another day. Turning 25, on the other hand, was supposed to be my big cornerstone. Little did I know, that the changes that occurred at 25, would be even bigger, and more intense at 26. In the last year, I've started focusing on making some major lifestyle changes as far as my health and fitness go. That's not to say that I've stopped eating my normal foods, or went vegan, only that I started lifting heavy, making healthier choices, and viewing my body in a new way. That in itself has changed so many different aspects of my life. For one, it put me in the path of some of the most amazing women I have ever had the opportunity to get to know through the inter webs. Women that are driven, intelligent, confident, kind, and absolutely my biggest cheerleaders (well, they cheer me on, and put me in check so, I'm not sure what that makes them, except for amazing).
One of those women is a writer that I absolutely adore. She's written her own book, founded a magazine, has her own marketing company, is an event planner, entrepreneur and is truly just an absolute doll. She recently wrote an article titled, 11 Reasons Why We Can't Be Friends and it rocked my socks. Over the last few years, I have truly realized how important friendships are to this crazy life. I've walked away from a lot of bad situations, tried to hang onto a lot of unhealthy relationships, and sought out new and empowering fellowship. This year, I've faced a lot of big issues that has made me really look at a lot of my relationships and evaluate their importance, and longevity in my life. So in celebration of sweet Chrystal Rose ( y'all, she's marrying her absolutely adorable fiancé this weekend, and I couldn't be more excited for them, be sure and send her lots of "Congratulations) I figured I'd use the inspiration she's shared with me and write about the six relationships I'm happy to have ended in 2015.
One- The Self Absorbed Friend-
Anyone that knows me knows that I pour out my heart and soul to people. I often place myself last on my own priority list. I will give someone the shirt off my back in a snowstorm just to make them more comfortable (or my boots in a pasture so my friend can avoid getting in trouble at a party in high school, shout out, LP) and I do it all without complaining. I avoid trying to put too much focus on myself. I feel most at peace with this world when I can stay out of the spotlight, and as close to invisible as humanly possible. They say opposites attract, and therefor, I have taken on several self-absorbed counterparts. Everything is fine for a while, the "me me me" is bearable, almost enjoyable, because I no longer have to deal with the undesirable situations in my life in their presence. Until, I hit my breaking point and realize that I cannot hear another minute of their close minded, pity party.
There comes a time in your life when you move past the 14 year old mindset, psychologically speaking, your development transitions to a new stage and you start to evaluate the rest of the world. For some reason, I tend to find people that missed that transition and are sitting at "Me Station" waiting on the next train to come in. I cannot hold any respect for someone that truly believes they're the only person that's ever had to face adversity. If you've made it into early adulthood with out having to deal with any major life-changing issues, I'm sorry but you lack the life experiences needed to form a lasting relationship. Friendships are not one-sided. They are not fan clubs, I am not your shrink. If you need me at 3am, and want to bellow about your break up, your uncomfortable situation, or your family issues, by all means, call me up. I will be there to listen, give advice when you ask, and just sit with you until you are ready to put on your big girl panties, and face the world. I refuse to be that person, if you cannot at the very least, acknowledge that when I need a friend, and might call you, that it's because I have reached a point that I cannot go on alone. I need, for a change, someone to ask about me. Even if I lie to your face and tell you I'm ok, at least theres a sense of knowing that someone cares. So to the self-absorbed former friend, goodbye, and good riddance. I hope that you someday learn to respect the rest of the human race.
Two- The My Way is The Right Way- "Please Buy Into My Cult" Friend
Let me start by saying, this is not directed towards Direct Sales friends, we all know I am part of a direct sales company that I adore, and it's brought me some wonderful friendships, but if the only time you have anything to say to me is when you're shoving your products down my throat, don't. Like I mentioned earlier, it's been an exciting journey to find my niche in the fitness world. I've tried weight watchers, and been a cardio queen, I've done Les Mills class after Les Mills class. I've done yoga, and Zumba and The Thirty Day Shred, and yet, I never felt like it fit me. I found Ashley Horner on instagram last year, and immediately came intrigued by her strength, beauty, and pure heart. I finally decided to purchase a program in February and joined a group of some elite Athletes. Women that could squat my body weight, women that ate their brownies, and competed in strongman competitions (Shout Out JPC, you're my homegirl). Women that were working their way from 100lbs overweight, to 18% body fat. Women, that were there to encourage, and empower each other. In my real world. I was faced with, "Do you realize you're going to get too bulky and look like a man?" "You're never going to lose weight if you are still indulging in sugar, carbs, fats, etc." "You don't need supplements" or..."If you want to lose weight, you need to buy these magic pills made with unicorn poop and fairy farts, and our delicious shakes with the nectar of the god's complete with only 5 grams of protein, 47 grams of carbs and enough sugar to put your glucose at 658 before lunch." Very rarely was I encouraged to work on those 205b squats, or celebrated for meeting my macro counts perfectly and dropping weight like nothing while still eating delicious cheesecake and ice cream.
If you want to make changes in your life to be the best version of you, surround yourself with people that encourage it. Not people that are so caught up in hating themselves that they're sabotaging your journey. Say goodbye to the friend that can't encourage the changes you're making, because they're insecure about the decision they're making about their own lifestyle. Don't drink the fairy fart koolaid if you don't feel that its a good choice for your body. Find people that don't encourage you to make changes for their benefit, but for your own, (unless that benefit is that they get to spend more time lifting heavy stuff with you, because I promise, its a great time to bond, strong women make strong friends).
Three- The Rumor Mill
Recently I was confronted about a rumor, so ignorant, that if I wasn't so softhearted, I would have laughed out of existence. A rumor, that in certain circumstances could have broken the toughest of ties. A rumor, that changed the course of my families future in one phone call. A rumor, started by a friend that could have EASILY called me up, confronted me about, and preserved a 10 year friendship with my family. I have some pretty high standards when it comes to keeping people in my life at the ripe old age of 26. If you don't have enough decency to come to me, or the other person this rumor effects and confront the issue head on, I do not have the decency to allow you to be a part of my life.
There are so many situations in life when people are forced to a fork in the road. In the most prime of examples, is when a rumor is presented to you. You can either spread it, or stop it. It's the wildfire of the social world. Wildfires burn bridges, and in the words of Dylan McKay, "May the bridges I burn, light the way." If you can't put out the fire, don't expect me to value your friendship anymore than a man values ashes.
Four- The Flake
I really pride myself in being a planner. I keep a tentative schedule of events that I consider attending, events I'm committed to, and events I'm obligated to attend. Since my husband works out of town, I have a lot of time to fill my calendar with fun things to do, but on rare occasion, I want to just made a sporadic date to enjoy some casual company. If you can't go, I promise I'll completely understand. If you're going to tell me, "[I] would love to!" and then not show up the day of, you can guarantee that I won't be offering again. I'm not the "we totally need to get together soon, but I really mean never because I'll never call" kind of person. I'm a pretty solid woman of my word. I was raised to only say what I mean. If I can't, or don't want to attend an event. I'll tell you. If I'm running late, or have something that's come up and won't be able to make it in a timely manner, I'll apologize profusely, while being honest and open about the situation. I am not a flake, and I prefer not to waste my precious time waiting on someone that is a flake, try to make time for me in their life. I guess this would include the "fair weather" friends as well. The friends that need/want you around when they're single, or in a relationship, but not one or the other. I'm a married woman, whose husband works 4 hours from home for weeks-months on end. I have plenty of time for "girl time" and I am ecstatic to make plans for "couples" outings when my husband is home, but if you can't be my friend because of your relationship status, you're better off avoiding me completely.
The truth is, as young people adventuring into this world, theres a lot we don't know. A lot we will face that we haven't faced before. We aren't always going to know the answers, and we don't all have the same life experiences as the next person. We have to value ourselves, and our friendships enough to be there to encourage each other down the winding road of life. You can't keep a friend by not being a friend. By coming to terms with what I find unacceptable in my friendships, I'm able to be a better friend to those that are deserving of my time and energy. I'm able to continue to grow into a better friend, better mother, better wife, and an even better version of Me. A wise woman once told me, that friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The four aforementioned seasons have all come to a close in my life, the last snow melting off the mountain tops in the distance, something I knew was coming, but slipped away so unnoticeably that I almost forgot it was gone. Turning 26 has meant a lot of changes already, and over the next nine months, will bring even more. In letting go of these friendships I've allowed myself to grow, like a flower in the spring, I'm going to stand tall amidst the blooms of new friendships. Friendships that may only be here for a reason, a season, or maybe a lifetime.
Until Next Time,
Peace, Love, and Oly Bars
